Bringing up your ex habitually?

By IANSlife

New Delhi, July 21 (SocialNews.XYZ) In a perfect world, when one relationship ends and another starts anew, you move on civilly. No more ties, all memories erased, no resentment in the heart. But we don't live in an ideal world. Breakups are often messy and leave you with an unsolicited shared history. What do you do with that?

Dating App QuackQuack recently surveyed people ranging from 21 and 35 years of age to get their opinion on discussing the ex with the present partner.

The survey revealed that 61 per cent of the people talk about their ex with their present partner. They believe that if something is distressing you, discuss it with your partner. On the other hand, 39 percent are scared it might hurt their relationship. Talking about your ex is like treading dangerous waters.

Healthy relationship check

Forty-seven per cent of women aged 25 to 30, voiced that talking about their ex with the new partner proves that they are in a sound and secure relationship. They chimed that the current partner must have survived a heartbreak or two. There should be no reason to be afraid of opening up about the past. Everyone wants to be a tough cookie until the day it starts affecting their mental health. Talking about your ex and the grief afflicted in the past relationship would leave you unburdened and happy.

Trauma bonding

Fifty-six per cent of people above 30 from tier 1 and tier 2 cities talk about their previous relationship with their partner, and they opine that the conversation is not actually about the ex, it is rather about the trauma they gave each other. Often listening to each other's past traumas has a bonding effect on their relationships.

Some mentioned focusing on the positive aspect of their exes. While it is tempting to dish about the said ex, that is not a healthy approach.

Hung up on your ex?

According to the survey, 38 per cent of the surveyed users aged 18 to 25 indicated being against talking about their ex or related issues with their partner. They reckon that talking about your ex might mean that you are still in love with them. It's best to leave the past behind you. A few chimed that it is not fair to put your new boo in your ex's shadow. Bringing up your ex habitually can cause lasting damage to the relationship.

Red flag, Green Flag

Are you one to pick up a fight whenever you hear your sweetheart talk about their ex? You might want to pay attention to what 43 per cent of women from tier 1 and tier 2 cities think about such behaviour. They voiced finding it as a big red flag in the relationship. These ladies were curious to know why trivial discussions about a person who was a part of your life once upon a time create so much drama. They opined that a man secure about himself would never exhibit such a demeanour.

An oddball

QuackQuack shared that among their surveyed users, 52 per cent of men aged 30 to 35 find it odd if their partner never mentions the ex in the entire relationship. It might be an indication of unresolved feelings. Some of these men revealed that if their partner is vague around the discussions revolving around their ex, or they seem to withhold some of the truth about their past relationship, it can be a harbinger of bad news. Why would you want to pretend as if you have never been with anyone in the past? You are all the choices you made, and your ex is one of them!

Brawl with Boo

Upon analysis, the App found some unhealthy trends among the younger ones compared to the more mature. 26 percent of women ranging from 21 to 25 revealed that discussing their ex or the mere utterance of their names had caused an ugly fight and unnecessary strain in the relationship.

(IANSlife can be contacted at ianslife@ians.in)

Source: IANS